it aint worth the pain

all of this love I give

it aint worth the pain

be nice to my face

and talk behind my back

are we in highschool again?

why you actin so cruel

beatin me down every chance you get

just throwing my love to the side

actin like it don’t mean a thain

but when I’m gone

you’ll find that your needing me

more than ever

more than ever

more than ever

it aint worth the pain

all this love I give

it aint worth the pain

be nice to my face

talk behind my back

are we in highschool again?

just know that I will

always be there for you

holdin on by a thread

just so some day

when your ready

I i’ll be there

i’ll be there

i’ll be there

and when you grow up

and you realize

what you’ve lost

in the end I pray

you’ll be back again

no word will need to be said

cause i’ll be able to see

how you really feel

and what you really mean.

but for now

Read More

don’t you hear me calling? don’t you hear me crying? I know I’ve hidden it for soo soo long. but the truth is I need you I want you today. I can’t wait one more second for you. your my every thing, there’s no words to explain. I am speechless, speechless.

generally don’t say how I am feeling but this time I am making one exception. When I am with you the world’s all right. everything seems a little bit clearer. you do not drag me down you built me tall and when we are together we can do anything.

I am left with wonder, in this black obis.

I cannot come, to a conclusion

explaining what, I did wrong

Cause he never left me

any information,

he just left me in wonder

I’ve tried to fix things,

put them back to the way they were

but it seems, no matter how hard I try

he never gives an effort, he says there is nothing wrong

but I know there is something

are you ashamed for the things you did

are you feeling guilty, for how you’ve hurt me

well just know, I’ve forgiven you

I’ve let it go now why can’t you?

everyone seems to be

takin things for granet.

no-one seems to realize

the small beauties,

of life (oh-who-oooh)x2

so look around

what do you see

the little beauties

they jumpin

right out at me

the little beauties

of (life)x3

have you ever realized

how lucky you are?

have you ever realized

how much you got?

so don’t take things for granet darlin

be thankful for all you have

look at the flowers

look at the trees

look at what mo-ther

nature done for

you and me

so (don’t darlin)x2

takes things for granet

and look around

at the little beauties

the little beauties

of life (yea-hea-yea)

and there may be more i have not come up with it this was a practice write! :D hope yall enjoy! :D

(chorus)

i’ve, been saying this little white lie

for some time

i’ve been saying this little white lie

i cry, i cry

it’s true, i do

i cry

(verse 1)

for too long i’ve been holding

all my pain in, saying

i don’t cry

you wont find a day in my life

when you find tears fall from my eyes

‘cause i’ve forgotten how to cry

(chorus # 2)

but the truth is

but the truth is

but the tru~th is

i cry, i cry

it’s true, i do

i cry

(verse # 2)

i’m crying inside so loud

that the walls around my soul

are shakin, there’s an earthquake

goin on, there’s a fault inside my wall

and it’s up to you, to break through

the imperfections ther’re there

you just have to find

look a little deeper now

and you’ll find the crack

so come break through

(chorus # 3) (x2)

i’ve been saying this little white lie

for some time

i’ve been saying this little white lie

but the truth is

but the truth is

but the tru~th is

i cry, i cry

i do, it’s true

i cry!

this is an insert i wrote after a fight with my parents one day. it seems that every time i fight with them i am inlightened to a new way of thinking. i thank them for that intirly!

   i thought i was more mature than him but i now realize he was more mature than i because he never forgot how to believe but i did. i was hurt so many times that i forgot how to believe in a dream. i forgot how to take a chance on probablility because i could not believe that there was a place where i could be treated like a person instead of an object, where i was looked at me for me instead of that cockeyed short white-chinque girl. i lost my dreaming ability over time and became sour bitter and cold hearted before i ever grew up and matured. It saddens me that i fell so deep into this dirty obis of self-lessness and crulity. for too long i have told people i do not cry and have no feelings because that is how i precieved that life was and i thought I had the best that it could get. now i see my flaws and am only determined to fix them instead of being irrealistic and saying that i am happy in this place. i am only happy because i have gotten use to the state that i am in. and while living here it has only made me harder and my heart has demolished itself instead of sprouting a new flower. this will mark in my memory as the event that changed my life forever. i may not be able to explain everything but i know that my dedication to my family is the strongest love i can ever give. a love unheard of an unconditional love.

       i may be leaving my friends and confidaunts but i will never say good bye and our memories will never die. i do not see this change as a trap no longer but a oportunity for a better life. my stubbornness has got in the way in the past and i realize that my qualities turned into my weapon against the ones i love. so as i leave i do not see this as a degression but a oportunity not just for myslef but for my family as a whole. the horizon has been so far away for too long and i have not seen the beauty of it. so now is my time to see what i have never seen before. a place of heaven that only few dream of . yes there will be challanges there and good and bad people but there will be chances for me to bloom instead of stay concrete as i would here. many have told me to just do what i want, it is my life and so on but in my life i have people who i am intertwined with and it is my responsibility to love them and care for them as they were myself. ohana is the term i am portraying which means no-one gets left behind. this is my chance to see a life i use to not believe was true a chance for me to blossom into something beautiful. staying here would only make me lonley and even more cold-hearted, stubborn, selfish, and bitter than i already am. i do not see any progression here but yet degression.

        so to fill in the facts this is a place that has the second highest crime rate in california and a low employment rate. i want to get out of here while i still can before california turns into rubbish.Also here not many get treated with compasion but instead disreaguard. here i will only be judged by my mixed heritage, crossed eyes and shortened stature. too long i have been put down for a reson i do not see as a reason or as a disability i disregaurd because i do not see it as an imparement but a normal thing. here i do not blend in and i believe that this is not where i belong. i have felt that i was not normal in this society because there always was something different about me than the next person. i may not know where half of me comes from and i see no reason why that should matter. if i could find a place where sex, race, or disability never mattered that would be my heaven and this move will only bring me closer to that heaven i dream about. A place where i can blend in instead of stand out. A place i can call home!

   I thought I was always crazy because I got lost in thought not being able to sleep at nights. Now I realized that the most creative people stay up and sometimes have sleeping problems because when they try to go to bed their brains are raceing keep them up. Some times it takes hours for me to fall asleep or untill my brain is at a calm state. Others, I am so excited about something I read or did that day that keeps me awake. I wish that I could sleep with a normal sleeping pattern sometimes but if I did than i would never be able write some of the songs that i have written. So I am thankful for my immensely busy brain for the time being.

   I also forgett things alot. For example I will start one activity but than get side-tracked by another. It seems like sometimes I am an extreem multi-tasker because I have so many things going on at the same time. Sometimes I forgett what I am doing while I am doing it. Even though I am eight teen I already forget many things which is not satisfactory while trying to clean the house. Strange enough though I am great at memmorizing plays, songs, and other odd-and-in things.

   So if you ask how I take care of these things. I have alot of notes and I when I go to bed I generally calm myself by singing myself to sleep! :D

My favorite inanimate object most likely would either be my bed or my anatomy book. My bed would be one of my faviorites because i sleep in it and i love to sleep after a long day of chaos. Than it would be my anatomy book because my favorite subject to study is anatomy and physiology. I am immensely intriqued by the actions that the human body can perform.